My mom lives pretty far away, and has been having health complications over the past few years. I am working on trying to get my hubby to agree to move to her, since I can't get her to move to me. I don't see what the huge deal is anyways, he works on the road and isn't home that much. Why does it matter where home is?
UGH!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Fucked Up Family
I haven't blogged in a while because we had a death, actually two deaths in one accident, in the family. My great aunt and my second cousin were killed by a drunk driver.
(I really hope none of my family comes across this blog. Beth isn't my real name, I won't use my real name because I want this place to be totally mine, without having to worry about hurting someones feelings.)
So, my second cousin, I'll just call her my cousin from this point on, she and her sister are the surviving family memebers of the deceased. They just lost their mother and their brother, in a horrible accident.
My FUCKED UP family just loves to start shit, and is totally cold hearted. One of my other great aunts (I'll call her Grinch) was selling the deceased aunt (I'll call her Sugar, because she was so sweet) property and a really fucked up trailer. Grinch told my cousin (I'll call her Darling), the day after the accident, not even 24 fucking hours after her brother and mother were killed, that when she (Darling) got the insurance money she needed to go ahead and give her (Grinch) $16000 to pay off the property. NOT EVEN 24 HOURS after the fucking accident!
We went out there and packed up Sugar's stuff because people were already pilfering through it and taking what they wanted. I'd never been to her house before. Actually, nobody but Grinch had been there. She always made excuses to keep people from coming over. This house was fucked! Grinch is a SLUM LORD! I wouldn't piss in that bitches ear if her brain were on fire after looking at this house that she was making her sister pay for! The floor was falling through, the blocks the house was sitting on were shifting, and there is no telling how much longer before they just fell over. IT is horrible, I don't even have words to describe it!
Then, Sugar's sisters all wanted to see her, you know, view her. They also wanted to take PICTURES! Darling told them no pictures, and that it probably wouldn't be a good idea if anyone saw her because she hit her head in the car accident and it wasn't the way Sugar would have wanted to be remembered. The sisters actually started raising a stink, and started shit today at the viewing (private, only for close family members). LIKE, started arguing with Darling and others about taking pictures. One of Sugar's sisters was actually going to try and sneak a camera in so she could take some pictures. The funeral directors had to make everyone leave their purses outside, and take their jackets off. That's just fucked up!
And, Darling hasn't gotten the insurance money yet, and some of my great aunts are LOADED. I'M SERIOUS, LOADED Y'ALL! Darling had to come up with $1000 cash for the plot, and another $3000 for my second cousin's creamation. NOBODY but my grandmother helped with the cost, and my grandmother is on a fixed income. (I did what I could, I gave them each $100.) Darling is a single mother of 3, strugling to survive, and her and my grandmother on a fixed income had to figure out how to shit out $4000 up front so the arrangements could be made. And then these other bitches had the nerve to start shit at the funeral home!
AAAAAAAAH! It was ALL I could do not to bust those bitches faces open!
My family is so fucked up! Most of them don't deserve to breathe the same air I do!
I just hope nobody starts any shit tomorrow at the funeral. I might end up in jail for assault charges if they do. It isn't the time or the place to start harassing people for insurance money, or "I wanted to have a say in the casket" or "Why wansn't I invloved in the decision making" or "She's my sister, I'll take pictures of her if I want to" SICK FUCKERS!
(I really hope none of my family comes across this blog. Beth isn't my real name, I won't use my real name because I want this place to be totally mine, without having to worry about hurting someones feelings.)
So, my second cousin, I'll just call her my cousin from this point on, she and her sister are the surviving family memebers of the deceased. They just lost their mother and their brother, in a horrible accident.
My FUCKED UP family just loves to start shit, and is totally cold hearted. One of my other great aunts (I'll call her Grinch) was selling the deceased aunt (I'll call her Sugar, because she was so sweet) property and a really fucked up trailer. Grinch told my cousin (I'll call her Darling), the day after the accident, not even 24 fucking hours after her brother and mother were killed, that when she (Darling) got the insurance money she needed to go ahead and give her (Grinch) $16000 to pay off the property. NOT EVEN 24 HOURS after the fucking accident!
We went out there and packed up Sugar's stuff because people were already pilfering through it and taking what they wanted. I'd never been to her house before. Actually, nobody but Grinch had been there. She always made excuses to keep people from coming over. This house was fucked! Grinch is a SLUM LORD! I wouldn't piss in that bitches ear if her brain were on fire after looking at this house that she was making her sister pay for! The floor was falling through, the blocks the house was sitting on were shifting, and there is no telling how much longer before they just fell over. IT is horrible, I don't even have words to describe it!
Then, Sugar's sisters all wanted to see her, you know, view her. They also wanted to take PICTURES! Darling told them no pictures, and that it probably wouldn't be a good idea if anyone saw her because she hit her head in the car accident and it wasn't the way Sugar would have wanted to be remembered. The sisters actually started raising a stink, and started shit today at the viewing (private, only for close family members). LIKE, started arguing with Darling and others about taking pictures. One of Sugar's sisters was actually going to try and sneak a camera in so she could take some pictures. The funeral directors had to make everyone leave their purses outside, and take their jackets off. That's just fucked up!
And, Darling hasn't gotten the insurance money yet, and some of my great aunts are LOADED. I'M SERIOUS, LOADED Y'ALL! Darling had to come up with $1000 cash for the plot, and another $3000 for my second cousin's creamation. NOBODY but my grandmother helped with the cost, and my grandmother is on a fixed income. (I did what I could, I gave them each $100.) Darling is a single mother of 3, strugling to survive, and her and my grandmother on a fixed income had to figure out how to shit out $4000 up front so the arrangements could be made. And then these other bitches had the nerve to start shit at the funeral home!
AAAAAAAAH! It was ALL I could do not to bust those bitches faces open!
My family is so fucked up! Most of them don't deserve to breathe the same air I do!
I just hope nobody starts any shit tomorrow at the funeral. I might end up in jail for assault charges if they do. It isn't the time or the place to start harassing people for insurance money, or "I wanted to have a say in the casket" or "Why wansn't I invloved in the decision making" or "She's my sister, I'll take pictures of her if I want to" SICK FUCKERS!
Monday, January 22, 2007
Work
Why do people insist on having the "it's not my job" attitude!?! Really! It really drives me crazy to know what these people make (I do payroll) and at the same time listen to them bitch about how they don't get paid enough to do that thing that isn't their job.
YOU KNOW WHAT!?! If you want a paycheck, it is your fucking job! Until you reach the position in the company where it is your ass on the line if things fail, you don't get to say what is and isn't your job. Until then, shut your ungrateful mouth and do what you are told, or pack your shit and get the fuck out. I'm sure there are hundreds of people who would die for the job you have and the money you make!
And the negative people. What's up with that? They never have one good thing to say, EVER. I understand that this blog seems to be a negative place, but it is my place to vent. In my life I actually have quite a bit of good things that go on, things to be thankful for. My job is definitely one of them. Our bosses are awesome. The work isn't too bad, the hours are great, and the pay is even better! Quit bitching because you don't have somewhere covered to smoke! I am a smoker, I deal with it. Quit bitching because you don't like the coffee and soda we provide for you. Quit bitching because you don't think you get paid enough. I see your check, I know how much you make, and it is more than enough compensation for you to spend a fourth of your day wandering the office searching for someone who will listen to you run your shithole mouth.
And this one, don't worry about Mary and what she is or isn't doing at work. It isn't your business. If she misses work because she has a hang nail, that is the boss' business, not yours. If she comes in later than you do, again, noneya. If she seems to be more chummy with the big wigs than you, who really cares? Worry about yourself, and what you are doing right or wrong, and shut the fuck up about Mary, or Joe, or Bob, or Bill, or Sue, or whomever it is that you are obviously jealous of. Just shut the fuck up.
YOU KNOW WHAT!?! If you want a paycheck, it is your fucking job! Until you reach the position in the company where it is your ass on the line if things fail, you don't get to say what is and isn't your job. Until then, shut your ungrateful mouth and do what you are told, or pack your shit and get the fuck out. I'm sure there are hundreds of people who would die for the job you have and the money you make!
And the negative people. What's up with that? They never have one good thing to say, EVER. I understand that this blog seems to be a negative place, but it is my place to vent. In my life I actually have quite a bit of good things that go on, things to be thankful for. My job is definitely one of them. Our bosses are awesome. The work isn't too bad, the hours are great, and the pay is even better! Quit bitching because you don't have somewhere covered to smoke! I am a smoker, I deal with it. Quit bitching because you don't like the coffee and soda we provide for you. Quit bitching because you don't think you get paid enough. I see your check, I know how much you make, and it is more than enough compensation for you to spend a fourth of your day wandering the office searching for someone who will listen to you run your shithole mouth.
And this one, don't worry about Mary and what she is or isn't doing at work. It isn't your business. If she misses work because she has a hang nail, that is the boss' business, not yours. If she comes in later than you do, again, noneya. If she seems to be more chummy with the big wigs than you, who really cares? Worry about yourself, and what you are doing right or wrong, and shut the fuck up about Mary, or Joe, or Bob, or Bill, or Sue, or whomever it is that you are obviously jealous of. Just shut the fuck up.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
I went out today
It was very nice. We just walked around town until we found the shop we were looking for. It was nice to be out of the house and just hanging out.
I got a beautiful crystal too.
I also, on my way home, stopped and treated myself. I got my nails done. It's been so long since I pampered myself, I think I deserved it. They will take some getting used to, since it has been over a year since I had them done, but I'm happy.
Hubby and I talked some more today, and I think he might actually be serious about getting help. I keep telling him that he shouldn't be getting help because of me, but because he wants it. In our talk today it seemed like he is ready to grow up and mature into adulthood at 27. I won't hold my breath though. I will, however, be a supportive wife in this adventure we are about to embark. It will be a slow and sometimes painful journey, but in the end, if we can both grow it will only make our relationship that much stronger.
I saw my grandmother today, my dad's mom. My aunt is living with her right now, and I picked my aunt up for our outing today. Before we left my grandmother had to throw a few insults out there, talking shit about my mom again. It's so pathetic, and I hate when I engage myself in these petty discussions.
She made a comment about how my dad helped raise me or something to that effect. I reminded her that, he in fact did not. He was never around. She aruged that my mother would never let me go with him, and that was why he was never around. I then pointed out that Dad was probably drunk or high, and that was why Mom wouldn't let him take me. I also pointed out that there were several occasions when he was suposed to come see me and didn't, and others when he did show up hours, and sometimes days late, and I didn't want to go with him. He was a stranger to me. I never got to know him when I was a child. She started in on that being Mom's fault, because of all the terrible things she used to tell me about him. That really set me off, because one thing Mom never did was have a bad word to say about my dad until I was old enough to figure them out for myself, and start asking questions.
My mother has always been honest with me, but she never had anything ugly to say about my father until I was old enough to have questions. At about age 9 is when I realized he was unreliable, and was only around when it was convenient for him. On my 9th birthday he lived in Dallas, and said he couldn't make it to my party. A few days later I found out from my best friend, his dad was my dad's best friend, that my dad was actually about a mile from my house on my birthday hanging out with my best friends dad. That's when I started with the questions.
My dad is a great dad now to me and my brothers and sister. But there will be no denying the fact that he was a dead beat dad for the first 16 years of my life. Rarely a phone call, and even more sparce was a visit.
I remember one time when I was like 11, and I was at my grandparents house. A man came into the house very late at night, and scared me. I didn't know who he was, and my grandparents were sleeping. He had to introduce himself as my father. Yeah, Grandmaw, he was really a huge part in who I am today, huh?
I guess some people just remember what the want to remember.
I got a beautiful crystal too.
I also, on my way home, stopped and treated myself. I got my nails done. It's been so long since I pampered myself, I think I deserved it. They will take some getting used to, since it has been over a year since I had them done, but I'm happy.
Hubby and I talked some more today, and I think he might actually be serious about getting help. I keep telling him that he shouldn't be getting help because of me, but because he wants it. In our talk today it seemed like he is ready to grow up and mature into adulthood at 27. I won't hold my breath though. I will, however, be a supportive wife in this adventure we are about to embark. It will be a slow and sometimes painful journey, but in the end, if we can both grow it will only make our relationship that much stronger.
I saw my grandmother today, my dad's mom. My aunt is living with her right now, and I picked my aunt up for our outing today. Before we left my grandmother had to throw a few insults out there, talking shit about my mom again. It's so pathetic, and I hate when I engage myself in these petty discussions.
She made a comment about how my dad helped raise me or something to that effect. I reminded her that, he in fact did not. He was never around. She aruged that my mother would never let me go with him, and that was why he was never around. I then pointed out that Dad was probably drunk or high, and that was why Mom wouldn't let him take me. I also pointed out that there were several occasions when he was suposed to come see me and didn't, and others when he did show up hours, and sometimes days late, and I didn't want to go with him. He was a stranger to me. I never got to know him when I was a child. She started in on that being Mom's fault, because of all the terrible things she used to tell me about him. That really set me off, because one thing Mom never did was have a bad word to say about my dad until I was old enough to figure them out for myself, and start asking questions.
My mother has always been honest with me, but she never had anything ugly to say about my father until I was old enough to have questions. At about age 9 is when I realized he was unreliable, and was only around when it was convenient for him. On my 9th birthday he lived in Dallas, and said he couldn't make it to my party. A few days later I found out from my best friend, his dad was my dad's best friend, that my dad was actually about a mile from my house on my birthday hanging out with my best friends dad. That's when I started with the questions.
My dad is a great dad now to me and my brothers and sister. But there will be no denying the fact that he was a dead beat dad for the first 16 years of my life. Rarely a phone call, and even more sparce was a visit.
I remember one time when I was like 11, and I was at my grandparents house. A man came into the house very late at night, and scared me. I didn't know who he was, and my grandparents were sleeping. He had to introduce himself as my father. Yeah, Grandmaw, he was really a huge part in who I am today, huh?
I guess some people just remember what the want to remember.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
AAAAAAAAAAH!
I am going so incredibly stir crazy right now! It's like I'm in this fucked up rut and I don't want to get myself out of it. I sit at home and read or watch tv all the time now, since the husband went out of town.
I did go out last night, but I didn't enjoy myself as much as I would have liked.
I've been married for so long it's like I don't know how to converse with new people anymore. I used to be so social and always on the go. Since the "I do's" we just do boring married things. Hang out and watch movies, or TV, and never go out.
I feel like I've lost myself, and I don't know how to get myself back. He's gone, I should be able to go out and have fun, and not feel bad because he's sitting at home alone. Because he isn't.
I did go out last night, but I didn't enjoy myself as much as I would have liked.
I've been married for so long it's like I don't know how to converse with new people anymore. I used to be so social and always on the go. Since the "I do's" we just do boring married things. Hang out and watch movies, or TV, and never go out.
I feel like I've lost myself, and I don't know how to get myself back. He's gone, I should be able to go out and have fun, and not feel bad because he's sitting at home alone. Because he isn't.
My Private Place
Hi, I'm Beth. I needed a private place to rant and rave about my personal life. Somewhere where I can say whatever I want and not worry about anyone in my life reading it and getting bent out of shape.
I am married, but not so happily right now. I do love my husband but he has a drinking problem that he refuses to get help for. We are trying to work through it right now. He's out of town working, and as soon as he gets back he SAYS he wants to get counseling and help. We'll see if that actually works.
I have lots of fucked up drama in my life that sometimes I really wish would just go the fuck away. I have two best friends. One is the younger sister of an old friend. The old friend and I don't get along very well, we always clash, so it is hard for me to spend quality time with her sister. The other is wonderful and sweet in her own way, but is so mixed up in the fucked up relationship with her boyfriend (baby's daddy) that she can't see the path she is headed down.
My mom has been sick on and off for the past several years, and lives pretty far away from me. I can't afford to move to her, and she can't afford to move to me.
I have five brothers and one sister. Two step-brothers, who I haven't spoken to in almost 8 years, three half brothers, and one half sister. I'm not incredibly close to any of my blood siblings, as they are all at least 10 years younger than me. A few only live an hour away, and one lives with my mom, almost 12 hours away.
Both of my living grandparents are crazy in their own ways. My maternal grandmother is incredibly self absorbed, and doesn't have time for me or my brother, only for my cousins that live a few miles away from her. My paternal grandmother is an interesting person. She was always incredibly mean to me as a child, and for that reason I didn't see my grandfather for 7 years before he passed away in a car accident. I try to get along with her now, but she is a bit judgemental and it is just really hard to spend time with her.
I live in a beautiful old rock house, in the country. I spend a lot of time reading, and blogging on MySpace. I believe, since I've started this place I might spend quite a bit of time blogging here. I have so much inside me that I just need to get out! My mom is the only person I can be completely honest with when I talk about my emotions, so this place will be good for me.
Well, I don't know of anything else to write about right now, so I'll be back as soon as something happens that I need to vent about.
Peace out!
I am married, but not so happily right now. I do love my husband but he has a drinking problem that he refuses to get help for. We are trying to work through it right now. He's out of town working, and as soon as he gets back he SAYS he wants to get counseling and help. We'll see if that actually works.
I have lots of fucked up drama in my life that sometimes I really wish would just go the fuck away. I have two best friends. One is the younger sister of an old friend. The old friend and I don't get along very well, we always clash, so it is hard for me to spend quality time with her sister. The other is wonderful and sweet in her own way, but is so mixed up in the fucked up relationship with her boyfriend (baby's daddy) that she can't see the path she is headed down.
My mom has been sick on and off for the past several years, and lives pretty far away from me. I can't afford to move to her, and she can't afford to move to me.
I have five brothers and one sister. Two step-brothers, who I haven't spoken to in almost 8 years, three half brothers, and one half sister. I'm not incredibly close to any of my blood siblings, as they are all at least 10 years younger than me. A few only live an hour away, and one lives with my mom, almost 12 hours away.
Both of my living grandparents are crazy in their own ways. My maternal grandmother is incredibly self absorbed, and doesn't have time for me or my brother, only for my cousins that live a few miles away from her. My paternal grandmother is an interesting person. She was always incredibly mean to me as a child, and for that reason I didn't see my grandfather for 7 years before he passed away in a car accident. I try to get along with her now, but she is a bit judgemental and it is just really hard to spend time with her.
I live in a beautiful old rock house, in the country. I spend a lot of time reading, and blogging on MySpace. I believe, since I've started this place I might spend quite a bit of time blogging here. I have so much inside me that I just need to get out! My mom is the only person I can be completely honest with when I talk about my emotions, so this place will be good for me.
Well, I don't know of anything else to write about right now, so I'll be back as soon as something happens that I need to vent about.
Peace out!
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